Several years ago, I facilitated an overnight high stakes meeting for a group of executives. A week prior to the meeting, one of the executives texted me with demanding questions about his personal sleeping arrangement. Another emailed me with suggestions about our agenda. A third called me to discuss his concern that some of the
In August 1921, an athletic, healthy 39-year-old man awoke at his family cabin in Maine with a strange ache in his back. Despite trying to shake it off with a swim and a jog, the pain and fatigue increased. Within 48 hours, paralysis set in across his arms and legs. He lost all control of
Social interactions have been key to human survival for thousands of years. So it’s not surprising that hard feelings like rejection, disapproval or disappointment from others can be nearly intolerable. For example, one executive I know is currently facing the massively difficult task of possibly removing one of his key leaders. Several employees have complained
John recently had a high-stakes meeting that did not go well. He became flustered and defensive when the CEO hit him with unanticipated questions and ideas about his team’s status. John admitted that he didn’t have good answers to the questions. But he also insinuated that the CEO’s questions weren’t relevant (after all, John had
Years ago, I worked with a leader whose behavior would completely change during the final three days of every quarter. He would transform from a magnanimous, caring leader with a natural, relaxed demeaner into an anxious, ruthless man. Everyone knew that, for those three days, he was to be feared…unless we were comfortably ahead of
The brain’s natural response to a perceived threat is fight, flight, or freeze. We perceive threats daily from people we live and work with—slights, rude remarks, inconsiderate actions, failure to be appreciated. Enter the human brain’s amygdala response: When the threat is perceived, we conclude that the other person, at the moment, is a “foe”
I am advising a leader right now who has high expectations of others. Someone on her team can’t seem to meet those expectations on a project, and there isn’t much flexibility to upskill, move, or replace them. It is creating tension. The leader has three choices in the face of this tension: absorb it, avoid
I’ve previously discussed the principle that Dale Carnegie determined would be number one in his book on relationships and influence: Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain. Being critical, judging, or complaining not only hinders trust, but it also makes it hard to get others to see things your way. But just why is that the case?
On a Minneapolis radio station in the early 90s, a satirical disc jockey called the Chucker used to conduct hilarious interviews of famous people. The Chucker was obnoxious. The bigger the celebrity’s ego, the more the Chucker would frustrate them with his demoralizing behavior. Go listen to the recordings. They’ll make you squirm. Perhaps some
Complaining reached its peak in our house recently. Kids complaining about food, about homework, and about each other. Us complaining about kids complaining. Us complaining about work, about how busy we are and about something the other did or didn’t do. We have a lot of happiness and love in our family, but we’d slipped
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE