According to self-determination theory, three profound needs contribute to human motivation: competence, relatedness, and autonomy. In a recent Harvard Business Review article on influencing without authority, Pamela Meyer explains that autonomy may be the most profound of the three. People desperately need to feel they have agency, or they will distort the way they express
Recently, I read a social media post by actor and comedian Dan Aykroyd that I couldn’t stop thinking about: “Happy Birthday weekend to my Wild and Crazy older brother Steve Martin. There would be no Blues Brothers without the patronage of this generous, brilliant, magnificently talented master musician, comedian, author, actor and eclecticist … He
Twenty years ago, I used to run daily around a lake near my house. One day, I saw a man rowing on the water. Because I had been a rower in college—and he was the only person I’d ever seen rowing on this particular lake—I told my wife Kari that night that I was going
I used to manage a product that provided transcripts and summaries of corporate earnings calls to investors. This was before AI, so the transcripts were produced by stenographers and the summaries were written by lawyers. The thinking was simple: Stenographers were trained to produce verbatim, sequential output, whereas the lawyers were trained to produce accurate,
The past month has been a whirlwind with our twin boys graduating from high school. Amidst the endings and celebrations, my wife and I have reflected on our boys’ level of preparedness for greater independence. Specifically, we wondered how ready they are to elevate their executive function to make decisions and demonstrate reliability on their
I recently observed a meeting where a team member raised a complex issue. Another leader immediately jumped in to address it. Within seconds, the rest of the room went completely silent. I had the distinct sense that the rest of the team didn’t go quiet because they lacked ideas, but because of the approach the
We are swimming in ego-centric waters. Media, tech, education, sports, and the modern workplace generally set a glidepath toward “self.” This external pressure is reinforced by our own brain’s self-protective measures. The slide is often a slow and subtle bend inward toward our own appetites, agendas, and concerns. As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape
Recently, a friend—someone whose personality is much more direct and skeptical than mine—told me that a project I created was wrong and wouldn’t work. Because of his abrupt, borderline-rude delivery, I immediately shut down and distanced myself from him. My resentment had nothing to do with whether he was right. It was entirely about the
Several years ago, my marriage counselor shared a piece of wisdom with me that fundamentally shifted how I view communication: Defensiveness is the weakest posture in an interaction. I saw this play out recently during a presentation at a city council meeting. A consultant was pitching a proposal, and the mayor questioned the data regarding
The all-girls chorus sang first in our recent high school choir concert. Their voices were beautiful as they harmonized in unity. If you closed your eyes, you’d think they were angels. But seeing them made me think that they probably didn’t all view themselves as angels. Do you know what someone looks like when they
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE