According to self-determination theory, three profound needs contribute to human motivation: competence, relatedness, and autonomy. In a recent Harvard Business Review article on influencing without authority, Pamela Meyer explains that autonomy may be the most profound of the three. People desperately need to feel they have agency, or they will distort the way they express
Much of politics and political discourse today seems to be a display of people imposing their will on others. Rather than diplomacy, reasoning, or the careful navigation of the law, we see force and pressure. Unsurprisingly, this only escalates tensions and mistrust. I’m embarrassed to admit the number of times I’ve imposed my own will
I recently observed a meeting where a team member raised a complex issue. Another leader immediately jumped in to address it. Within seconds, the rest of the room went completely silent. I had the distinct sense that the rest of the team didn’t go quiet because they lacked ideas, but because of the approach the
We are swimming in ego-centric waters. Media, tech, education, sports, and the modern workplace generally set a glidepath toward “self.” This external pressure is reinforced by our own brain’s self-protective measures. The slide is often a slow and subtle bend inward toward our own appetites, agendas, and concerns. As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape
Recently, a friend—someone whose personality is much more direct and skeptical than mine—told me that a project I created was wrong and wouldn’t work. Because of his abrupt, borderline-rude delivery, I immediately shut down and distanced myself from him. My resentment had nothing to do with whether he was right. It was entirely about the
Several years ago, my marriage counselor shared a piece of wisdom with me that fundamentally shifted how I view communication: Defensiveness is the weakest posture in an interaction. I saw this play out recently during a presentation at a city council meeting. A consultant was pitching a proposal, and the mayor questioned the data regarding
The all-girls chorus sang first in our recent high school choir concert. Their voices were beautiful as they harmonized in unity. If you closed your eyes, you’d think they were angels. But seeing them made me think that they probably didn’t all view themselves as angels. Do you know what someone looks like when they
A manufacturing client of mine has been struggling to get their shift supervisors to think long-term. It seems like all they can do is keep their head above water. From their perspective, many of the supervisors feel pressured on metrics like “on-time shipping” and “labor rates.” As a result, they mainly focus on the output
Leo flinched and shot up, his eyes darting wildly. “What was that? Oh no, not now.” As his colleague Maya calmly assessed the fallen supply rack, Leo fumbled for his phone and hit the button for maintenance, his face heating up in stress and irritation. With clipped, exasperated breaths, he began to explain the problem,
We were worried entering this summer that we didn’t have enough activity scheduled for our kids. And yet, it turned out to be one of the best summers for our family…in large part because it was so unscheduled. We ended up filling the unscheduled time with great spontaneity and connection. In a similar way, I
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE