This post was originally published on August 14, 2018. It was modified and republished on July 29, 2019. What is the power of the pause? To put it to light, think about a time when two or more people were cordial and cooperative. That is until someone said something that changed the dynamic. Suddenly, someone
I was part of an ugly exchange a few weeks ago with a delivery driver in my neighborhood. One that taught me the importance of being better instead of bitter, a phrase you may have come across before but paid little attention to until a certain scenario brought it to light. I’m embarrassed to tell
When a person is guarded, it is almost impossible to have an influence on them. Perhaps you can coerce, control, or manipulate them, but persuade, influence, or gain their cooperation? Not so much. Ask a trained hostage negotiator. Former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss, says: Though the intensity may differ from
What’s something you need in order to feel OK? What keeps you balanced? Is it approval from others? Your health? Productivity? Being organized? Being right? Winning? Financial security? All of these can be good things. But because you need that thing to stay balanced, you’ll run into a problem when someone starts to pull it
Are you dealing with relationship tension or conflict this holiday season? Feeling bitter or resentful toward anyone? Consider, just for a moment, that there may be another side to the story you’re telling yourself. Here’s an example: A client recently hired me to coach their leadership team, a process that started with me interviewing each
Think of a recent example of interpersonal conflict in your life that did not go well. If you’re like most people, conflict can often lead to resentment and frustration. After all, it’s only natural to power up or shut down when conflict arises. We see it all the time in society. And, it’s in our
If you ever thought your job would be a whole lot easier if you didn’t have to deal with people, imagine what it’s like to be the principal of a middle school. Talk about having to deal with people: First you have the teachers — young and old, science and band, engaged and checked out.
It was the most upset I’ve ever been at work. Years ago, a part of my job was to negotiate contracts with vendors. One negotiation reached an impasse. The vendor raised his voice slightly and accused me of personally derailing the process. My reaction was intense. I shouted something back at him in my defense,
Psychologists say that anger is a “secondary” emotion. It safeguards you from dealing with harder emotions, like shame, sadness, or fear. It also generates a powerful, self-soothing neurochemical. And it creates a heightened sense of control. As the anger expert Dr. Leon Seltzer says, “If anger helps you feel in control, no wonder you can’t
After my post last week about a difficult conversation I’d had with a colleague, several people reached out to me to share their own experiences. They told me things like: We have tense dynamics like that in our partner group. I’m struggling to have a hard conversation about performance with an employee. I’ve been there.
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE