Are You Guilty of Label-Shaming?
Categorizing people by giving them labels is something we humans are really good at. We’ve always had tribes, territories, kingdoms, neighborhoods, cliques and departments, and sometimes these boundaries are helpful and healthy—they help us determine where we stop and others start in processes, laws and affinities.
But other times, putting someone in a category makes them feel small. That’s called shame.
I’m reading teen fiction again this summer—this time it’s The Divergent series, by Veronica Roth. It describes a post-apocalyptic world that is segregated by personality style as a way of maintaining peace and order. It’s a compelling scenario where the main character, a teenage girl, is persecuted for being “divergent,” which means she shares characteristics from many styles. The book is filled with people being treated as they are assumed to be based on their “faction” orientation.
Imagine living in this type of society. Perhaps we already do. Not just because of classism, racism, sexism, ageism and the like, but because of the seemingly benign ways we label people every day:
“I’ve never seen someone who loses their phone as much as you.”
“You are always late.”
“She always has an entitled mentality.”
“He is constantly in motion—he never stops.”
“You never take the initiative to help without being asked.”
The 28th of Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People is to “give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.” Imagine pinning a “fine reputation” on everyone rather than shaming them with a label based on their shadows. They might live up to it. And, even more so, it might change how we feel about them.
Consider how easy it would be to do this, just by reframing our language. What if, for example, instead of labeling the person as someone who “never takes initiative,” we said to them:
“I really value your help. You could make such a difference by being proactive about offering your assistance.”
It makes me wonder how often people who are labeled as “unmotivated” or “unambitious” are really just suffering the effects of label-shaming. Like the characters in Divergent, perhaps they’re being treated a certain way based on an assumption that lies behind the label. Maybe they’re not being challenged or their potential contributions and talents aren’t being recognized. The only way to know for sure is to make the choice to give them a fine reputation to live up to rather than a label to live down to.
Have you ever felt like a label was confining you? What are some ways you could reframe your own language to avoid label-shaming others?
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