What Meaningful Thing Are You Avoiding?
What potentially meaningful thing are you avoiding right now?
For me, it’s networking. Specifically, the proactive outreach required to open up new business opportunities.
I’m naturally introverted, my schedule is already packed, and I certainly don’t get any dopamine hits from scraping through LinkedIn. I’ll admit, I even looked into using an AI agent to do it for me. But you can’t outsource a handshake, LinkedIn’s privacy policies strictly prohibit automated outreach bots, and I haven’t quite figured out how to send an algorithm to a networking event (yet).
I realized if I want to build relationship capital, I have to do the uncomfortable work myself.
So, despite my deep desire to avoid it, a year ago I blocked a recurring weekly event on my calendar. Actually, it’s two events. I have one block of time dedicated solely to curating a list of people I’d like to reach out to. I have another block dedicated to actually reaching out to them.
It has been a true test of discipline. Aside from a few weeks off, I’ve done this every single week. I hold myself to a minimum number of people I commit to contacting.
Here is the reality of the “Long Game”: Most weeks, not much comes from it. I get a few gracious responses or a couple of people interested in grabbing coffee.
But every now and then, the compound interest pays off. Someone will respond with some version of: Perfect timing. Could you help me with this big initiative I’m working on?
For example, I recently reached out to an acquaintance. Two weeks later, his wife sent me an email explaining that her entire department needed my help. It turned into a significant project doing the exact kind of work I am good at and love to do.
Had I given in to my avoidance—had I skipped that calendar block—that project never would have happened.
What potentially meaningful thing might you be avoiding?
Perhaps it’s:
- Having a difficult conversation with a colleague.
- Working with a coach or counselor.
- Returning to church or your place of worship.
- Restarting an exercise program.
- Doing something for yourself, like taking a class or planning a trip.
How to Stop Being Avoidant
If you are stuck, there are three essential steps to break the cycle of avoidance. Here is how they look in practice:
- Name the avoidance. You can’t conquer what you won’t confront. For me, it was admitting, “I am avoiding outreach because I am introverted and it feels uncomfortable.” Be honest with yourself about what you are putting off and why you are putting it off.
- Put it in motion. Motivation is unreliable; discipline is a system. Don’t wait until you “feel” like doing it. Put it on the calendar. My two time-blocks didn’t make me want to network, but they gave me a structure to execute regardless of how I felt. Make the action small, scheduled, and non-negotiable.
- Tell others about your results. Accountability turns a private struggle into a shared commitment. Tell a peer, a spouse, or a mentor what you are committing to do. When you have to report back on your progress, you are far less likely to skip the uncomfortable work.
Avoidance provides short-term relief, but it costs you long-term opportunity. What is one small thing you can put in motion today?
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