The Inner Game of the Stage
By the time you read this, my son will have performed his guitar and vocal solo. It’s his first and final high school solo concert performed over three nights, in front of hundreds of people.
He has been anxiously anticipating this moment on the stage since the tryouts months ago. That anxiety comes from a blend of excitement and a deep, gnawing worry that he won’t perform well—or worse, that he’ll embarrass himself.
These kinds of fears are common, and they’re what keep most people from ever trying out in the first place.
For those who do take the stage, anxiety is a double-edged sword. It can create focus and energy, but it can also cause paralyzing tension. That tension comes from high levels of adrenaline and epinephrine agitating your system into action to survive what your brain perceives as a threat. It’s a highly effective self-protective measure if you’re fighting a bear in the woods. It is significantly less helpful when you are trying to hit high vocal notes and move your fingers across the frets of a guitar.
In order to lead, move, and influence others, you will eventually have to step onto a stage.
But a “stage” isn’t always an auditorium. Sometimes the stage is a pitch to the executive board. Sometimes it is delivering a difficult performance review. Sometimes it is simply speaking up in a crowded meeting.
When we step onto these stages, our fight-or-flight response kicks in. We become hyper-focused on ourselves: How do I look? What if I mess up? What will they think of me? This extreme inward focus prevents us from making a true connection. We cannot accumulate relationship capital if we are paralyzed by self-preservation.
Here are five strategies to manage the tension and shift your focus back to where it belongs:
- Progressive Exposure. Think of this like progressive overload in weight training. You don’t start with 500 pounds. You start small. By intentionally embracing smaller speaking opportunities rather than avoiding them, you gradually retrain your amygdala and reduce the intensity of the fight-or-flight response.
- Structured Preparation. Avoid rigidly memorizing a script—if you drop one word, the whole house of cards collapses. Instead, prepare by knowing the general flow, your approach, and your audience’s concerns ahead of time so you can naturally relax into the narrative.
- Cognitive Reframing. The fastest way to reduce stage fright is to shift your focus outward. Remember that the interaction is about serving them, not protecting you. So practice metacognition—thinking about your thinking. Catch catastrophic thoughts and actively replace them by leaning on your affirming truths: You are qualified, you are capable, and your worth is not tied to a flawless performance.
- Nervous System Regulation. When you feel the adrenaline start to flood your system, you have to signal to your body that you are safe. Utilize box breathing and slow, extended exhales. Use a “loose face, loose lips” technique to release physical tension in your jaw and neck before you speak.
- Reframing the Journey. Remember that this struggle isn’t just a limitation; it is a bridge. Navigating your own anxiety gives you a profound empathy for the fears and struggles of others. That shared humanity becomes a source of relatability in your leadership.
For most people, no single strategy is a magic bullet. But taken in combination, they unlock a relaxed focus. They allow you to stop worrying about yourself, step into the spotlight, and truly connect with the people in front of you.
My son and I have been discussing these strategies and I’m hopeful that these solo performances will lead him to other stages that impact others in the future.
What stage do you need to step onto this week?
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