How to Get Better Instead of Bitter After an Ugly Exchange
I was part of an ugly exchange a few weeks ago with a delivery driver in my neighborhood. One that taught me the importance of being better instead of bitter, a phrase you may have come across before but paid little attention to until a certain scenario brought it to light.
I’m embarrassed to tell the story…The delivery truck sat parked in the middle of a street with no room to pass. My kids in the backseat were running late for an activity. After waiting for 10 seconds behind the truck, with no sign of the driver, I honked. The driver then emerged from the truck, glared at me, and very slowly walked his packages up to a nearby house while staring me down.
Consequently, this set me off.
“Excuse me!” I shouted. “You can’t just park in the middle of the street. People need to pass!”
“My job is to deliver packages!” he shouted back defensively.
At that point, anger took over as I got out of my car.
“This is unacceptable. I’m taking a picture of your truck and I’m going to call your supervisor!”
He slowly returned to his truck, got in, and said something to me that I can’t type here.
“What was that all about, Dad?” my kids asked as I got back in my car.
“That driver blocked the road and was super rude in his behavior toward me, kids!”
And we drove away.
Except it wasn’t over. It was like I drank poison.
Recovering From Anger
For the next hour at my kids’ activity, I was physically present but mentally and emotionally reliving the incident. I felt offended by the driver’s behavior, embarrassed by mine, and shocked at his final words to me.
I’m guessing this type of exchange is pretty common. It probably happens on streets around the world every day and on social media every minute. Ugly exchanges.
So I did the best but hardest thing I knew to do. I had to get better instead of bitter.
I went back to look for the driver after the kids’ activity was over.
“Dad, why are we going back to look for that mean guy?”
“Because I need to make it right.”
We never found him.
Because of that, I went to the delivery company website and sent an email to the only email address I could find:
Hi,
This morning I had a difficult interaction with one of your drivers. After reflecting on the situation, I realize that I was too impatient and rude. Could you please tell him I’m sorry? He’s tall with a ponytail and was delivering on 1st Avenue in the city of ABC.
Thank you.
The 4 Things Being Better Instead of Bitter Accomplishes
Who knows whether he ever got the email, but here’s what it accomplished:
- I stopped carrying around the poison. Every ugly interaction leaves people colder and harder. It happens even if you don’t think an ugly interaction bothers you. Human beings seek belonging and survival. In contrast, ugly interactions separate and isolate.
- It prepared me for my next interaction with him. I’ve looked for him. When and if I ever see him again, I’ll roll down my window or wave. Not because I care what he thinks about me, but because I care about how my ugly behavior may have made him feel.
- My kids watched me attempt to make it right. My kids have ugly interactions all the time when they get on each other’s nerves. It’s easy to just break it up or separate them. The harder, more constructive work is to get them to pursue each other and do what they can to restore their relationship.
- I’ve been more patient with delivery drivers. Had I just pushed past the incident and moved on with my life, I think I’d continue to be bitter toward annoying drivers. Instead of being bitter, now I’m a bit better. Not long after this ugly incident, my son and I got blocked by a construction vehicle. My son whispered, “Dad,” as he felt me get tense. I smiled, breathed, and took a detour.
Perhaps you get into ugly exchanges from time to time. Do they make you bitter or better?
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