It’s not easy to stretch outside your comfort zone. After all, it’s called a comfort zone for a reason. Outside your comfort zone is pain. And you’re built to avoid pain. It’s only natural to resist the things that don’t line up with your personality and preferences. You could call this one of the default
Our boys have been working hard at school. After seeing their recent report cards, we wanted to affirm and appreciate them for their good work. We understand basic psychology well enough to know that appreciating their behavior will likely result in more of that behavior. But we’ve also come to realize that placing our appreciative
Calling all people-pleasers, approval seekers, validation junkies, emotional chameleons, insecure overachievers, and anyone who wonders how—or whether—they measure up! To some degree, you most likely see yourself through the eyes of others. The way others feel or the way others treat you impacts how you feel inside. Are these co-dependent feelings, ironically, reducing the strength
Relationships usually start with affinity: we work together, we live near each other, we both enjoy the same hobby or we exercise at the same gym. They deepen as we validate one another (implicitly or explicitly): we appreciate each other, we listen to each other, we show acts of kindness or we inflate each other’s
Sometimes I’ll play with the GPS navigation display in my car, even when I’m not looking for directions. I have this small dial that zooms in or out on my location with each turn: street, block, neighborhood, city, county, state, region, country, continent and world. While I’m stopped at a light, I like to zoom
I aspire to brave-hearted leadership, both courageous and emotionally connected. This hinges on whether I am asking: What will enhance my own image? or What is my role in a story larger than myself? The questions played out through the historical relationship between Robert the Bruce and William Wallace, depicted in the movie Braveheart. Robert
Jim leads an R&D team at a med tech firm. Medical products lay scattered across his desk. Like a child proudly showing his artwork, he provides a tour of each product in front of him. But this isn’t the tour he’s most excited about. “Can I give you a tour of our team?” We walk
It was such a surprising thing to hear. The husband of a well-known musician told me that his famous wife frequently feels inadequate. How could she, with so much talent, success and popularity, ever question herself? Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me, given that musicians constantly put themselves out there. Yes, they get affirmation, but they
I once worked for a boss who looked past me when I spoke and rarely acknowledged my comments. To me, that’s a sure sign someone’s not listening. His behavior led me to conclude that he was inconsiderate and self-important. As a result, I believed he was someone who was not to be trusted. So I
When I started my day last Sunday, I exhaled and thought to myself, “Today I will disconnect. Today I will rest. Today…I will let go of the measures and expectations of my work and remember who I am.” This is what I do on Sunday mornings. Do you give yourself that type of time and
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE