The Simple Starting Point for Broader Influence
One of the highlights of my week is shopping at Costco. Stick with me. Despite its size and corporate structure, it maintains high employee retention. This makes the retail experience feel more like visiting a locally owned market where you see the same people working month after month for years.
I’ve developed some long-term friendships with these employees. Last week, Shiloh greeted me with a fist bump. Izzy, Anne and Elizabeth at the checkout all asked me about my week. Blaine warmly thanked me as I left.
I can take some credit for the way they treat me, because not everyone gets this reception. There’s one thing I try to do every time I visit the store. It’s so simple that you might not recognize how powerful it is:
I make an effort to remember and use their names.
Because of that, they view me as a friend. I’m convinced of it.
Yes, I also smile and express gratitude. But I think the primary reason is that I remember and use their names.
When the legendary Minnesota sports columnist Sid Hartman passed away five years ago, hundreds of tributes from athletes and others poured in remembering him as a “close personal friend.” They noted how he saw athletes, owners, coaches and others as people and remembered their names. Not perfectly, of course, but he thought of them and referred to them as “close personal friends.”
It took me a while in life to learn the value of this. I used to assume that I’d remember the names of the people whose names I needed to remember — my teachers, coaches, friends, cute girls, etc. Everyone else was part of a crowd of transactional interactions.
Then something changed.
I think it happened when I took the Dale Carnegie Course in Effective People Skills and Communication, which helped me really see the people around me.
Irish-British novelist Iris Murdoch referred to this as the virtue of attention to others — perhaps the highest of all virtues in a busy, distracted, fast-paced society.
I’ve realized that it’s not just a virtue; it also builds and broadens influence.
For example, recently I reached out to a stranger on LinkedIn who replied immediately: “Thank you for connecting! Our mutual friends Ben and Sam both told me that we should meet.”
It occurred to me that influence (the ability to engage and persuade others) correlates to the number of people who consider you a friend.
More names you know -> more friends you have -> broader ability to gain support and buy-in.
The cynic might say, “Memorizing names so they think you’re their friend? That’s disingenuous! Manipulation! Leave that to the extreme extroverts and salespeople!”
I don’t know, but I think Shiloh loves seeing me at Costco. I don’t think he feels I’m being disingenuous.
When I wave and enthusiastically exclaim “Hi Anne!” as I approach the checkout, I’d guess it brightens her day, at least a bit.
It feels virtuous and influential.
I don’t always see people. I’m not always attentive. Too often I’m self-focused, rushed or distracted. And let’s be honest, no one can remember everyone’s names.
I just wonder if trying to remember names — not just memorizing them, but truly seeing people and being attentive to people who see the world differently from you — I wonder if that might be the starting point to the change we all want to see in our family, workplace and community.
What if you started today?
When you visit Costco, “see” the workers and remember their names.
