The ABCs of Resilience
“It is not the events that happen to us that cause our feelings and behaviors—it is our thoughts or, as we’ll call them, Beliefs (“Bs”) about the events that drive how we feel and what we do.” – Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatte
In the book The Resilience Factor: 7 Essential Skills for Overcoming Life’s Inevitable Obstacles, Drs. Reivich and Shatte, psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania, draw from extensive research to explain what you should do when confronted with adversity: observe your thoughts to improve your reaction.
This is a form of mindfulness and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) taught at the Penn Resiliency Program (PRP). The purpose of the program is to help people become more resilient in the face of adversity by improving how they process their beliefs and thoughts to affect their feelings and behaviors.
Reivich and Shatte provide the specific recommendation to “learn your ABCs.” “A” stands for adversity, “B” represents your beliefs, and “C,” your consequences. By understanding and strengthening your beliefs (Bs), you improve your consequences (Cs), which makes you better able to manage adversity (As).
Over the past weeks, I’ve been reminded of several adverse circumstances in my personal and work life. Many of them have prompted me to react with anger, sadness, confusion and disappointment. This has reduced my resilience as I’ve felt unsteady and tired.
During this time, I’ve come to recognize that a number of my beliefs have been violated. For example, I believe that:
- People should assume positive intent.
- People should be direct and transparent, even when it hurts.
- It’s better to be reconciled than to be right.
- Once emotional pain has been honored and discussed, it’s good to move on.
If all of those beliefs are true, then it’s reasonable to react negatively to someone or something challenging them. But what if some of them aren’t true?
Reb Rebele, a consultant and educator with the University of Pennsylvania and the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA), helped me think this through. (Reb also works with Dr. Adam Grant of the Wharton School, who I’ve discussed in previous posts.) Reb told me that people need to learn to be more agentic, not just reactive organisms shaped by our environment or driven by inner impulses. This means we need to evaluate where we have control or capacity to reconsider our beliefs.
He says that we need to discern what is true about our beliefs and what’s not. We need to be more flexible, accurate and thorough in how we think about circumstances so that we can be more resilient.
This made sense to me, but still, I wondered, how do you get better at discerning what is true and what is not?
“Tough question,” he said, “but practice improves our attempts.”
Be a Reporter of Your Own Experiences
One suggestion Reb gave for practice is to engage in reflective writing after a difficult event. This process helps clarify what worked well and what didn’t. “It’s not about rumination,” he says, “but learning about our thinking process to improve mental flexibility and psychological fitness.”
It’s like you’re a reporter providing an unbiased account of how adversity (A) triggered some belief (B), which resulted in a consequence (C). We ask our self: What belief got me to that place…and is that belief really true?
Maybe it’s worth reflecting on the beliefs that are prompting your consequences. It’s possible they’re not all true, which might just change how you respond to adversity.
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